The Mental Game of Health -Don't Hate the Player

Have you ever had the chance to compare what you say or think about yourself in your head to what loved ones say or think about you? Often, there is a stark contrast between the harsh, critical voice we use with ourselves and the encouraging, compassionate words offered by those who care about us. This discrepancy not only reveals how tough we can be on ourselves but also hints at the potential damage we might be doing without even realizing it. So here’s the real question: Is health fueled by self-hatred really health? I submit that it is not only unhealthy to let negative self-talk drive your goals, but a positive mindset should really be where every health journey starts.

What is Mindset?

Mindset is the voice in your head that constantly narrates your life. It interprets your experiences, influences your reactions, and shapes your reality. Dr. Carol Dweck, a Professor of Psychology at Stanford University, is well-known for her research and work on the concept of mindset. In her book "Mindset: The new Psychology of Success", Dr. Dweck categorizes two types of mindsets: fixed mindset and growth mindset.

"In a fixed mindset students believe their basic abilities, their intelligence, their talents, are just fixed traits. In a growth mindset, students understand that their talents and abilities can be developed through effort, good teaching and persistence. They don't necessarily think everyone's the same or anyone can be Einstein, but they believe everyone can get smarter if they work at it."

Dr. Dweck's extensive research illustrates that those with a growth mindset are more likely to succeed and achieve their goals. This is because they view challenges as opportunities to learn and grow, rather than obstacles that may reveal their inadequacies. In contrast, those with a fixed mindset often stagnate, as they perceive their capabilities as static and unchangeable, limiting their potential for personal development and success. By understanding these distinctions, individuals can begin to consciously foster a growth mindset, fundamentally changing how they approach their goals and challenges in life.

Negative Self-Talk

Now that we have a basic understanding of mindset as a whole. Let us look at some examples of what we might say to ourselves in the pursuit of health.

“Are you seriously wheezing after climbing two flights of stairs?”

“Holy shit, fatty! You ate 3 of the 12 doughnuts that were brought in for the office. I think you can skip lunch today.”

“The workout called for 4 sets of 8-10 reps. Not only did you only do 3 sets, but on those 3 sets, you only gave up after 7 reps. This is why you have to buy the next larger pant size.”

Did that make you uncomfortable? Maybe it doesn’t make you uncomfortable. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if many people reading this regularly speak to themselves like that or say even worse things. It’s easy to argue that even though those words are harsh, it is all to make yourself better. How many unhealthy meals have been skipped thanks to this internal drill sergeant? How many people are kept consistent in the gym due to a poor self-image? Is it really that bad?

Yes, and here’s why. When your inner dialogue is filled with negativity, it shifts your focus from what you can do to grow and improve to punishing yourself for your failures. This not only hampers your ability to maintain healthy habits but may also push you towards extreme and unhealthy behaviors in an attempt to meet unrealistic standards set by your own critical voice.

Missing the Signs

Often, what we perceive as failures in our fitness journey—like persistent food cravings or a lack of motivation—aren’t just setbacks; they can actually be important signals from our bodies that something needs to change. Rather than viewing these moments as personal shortcomings, we should consider them as opportunities to reassess and modify our approach to health and wellness.

For instance, food cravings can be a sign of underlying nutrient deficiencies. If you find yourself constantly craving sweets, it might be an indication that your body is lacking in certain minerals like magnesium, which is involved in glucose and insulin metabolism. Instead of berating yourself for lacking willpower, it's beneficial to look at your diet holistically and consider whether you are meeting all your nutritional needs. Adding a variety of nutrient-dense foods or consulting with a nutritionist can provide you with the resources to address these cravings in a healthy way.

Similarly, experiencing low motivation might be more than just a bad day; it could indicate that your hormones are imbalanced. Hormones like thyroid hormones, cortisol, and sex hormones have significant impacts on energy levels and mood. Persistent feelings of fatigue and disinterest in activities you normally enjoy could suggest that these hormonal levels may be off-kilter. Consulting with a healthcare provider to check hormone levels can be an essential step. They might recommend lifestyle changes or treatments that can rebalance your hormonal health, thereby improving both your motivation and overall energy levels.

These examples highlight the importance of listening to our bodies and recognizing that our so-called failures are often not failures at all. Instead, they are signs that require our attention and might necessitate a different strategy in our health and fitness routines.

The Alternative

Now we know what negative self-talk looks like, but what’s the alternative? How about we re-frame those negative self-talk examples above? Now, instead of self-talk, imagine someone else saying those things to someone you love. I can tell you that if someone said something like that to my wife or kids, I would probably be arrested and charged with assault.

That is the key. You have to treat yourself like someone you love. We love to hate on bullies in our books, movies, and TV shows. There’s no need to have Draco Malfoy, Regina George, or Nelson Muntz living in our heads and criticizing our every failure. If you don’t know who those people are, then you have some research homework to do. Here’s a positive/growth-minded spin on the examples from before.

“Are you seriously wheezing after climbing two flights of stairs?”

• Positive Version: “I might be wheezing, but I also chose not to take the elevator. That’s a win.”

“Holy shit, fatty! You ate 3 of the 12 doughnuts that were brought in for the office. I think you can skip lunch today.”

• Positive Version: “Damn, I crushed those doughnuts! I’m probably deficient in something, so I’d better make sure that lunch and dinner are well balanced..”

“The workout called for 4 sets of 8-10 reps. Not only did you only do 3 sets, but on those 3 sets, you only gave up after 7 reps. This is why you have to buy the next larger pant size.”

• Positive Version: “Well, that workout felt rough. I think I’ll drop the weight next time to make sure I’m hitting the prescribed sets and reps.”

Final Thoughts

The truth is that if you struggle with your internal dialogue, you are certainly not alone. The easiest part of this article to write was the examples of self-hate thoughts. That is because I have thought them many times before. If you think about your inner voice as a roommate you have to live with for the rest of your life, it really starts to clean up how you talk to yourself. Nobody is improving their life by choosing to live with a bully. You don’t necessarily have to be your own cheerleader, either, but you can at least be your own friend.